It's been a while since I blogged on a regular basis - the CrossFit Chronicles to be exact and that ended like six months ago. I miss writing and now that I'm lifting on base again, there is way too much hilarity to keep it all to myself.
After CrossFit I went back to lifting on base for awhile but thought I wanted to go lift straight from work. Thought being the key word. So I joined the Y. It's on my way home, never was busy at 4:15 and it worked just fine for awhile. But it wasn't motivating. Teenagers annoy me. Cardio bunnies annoy me. Sitting around on equipment jabber jawing annoys me. And after dealing with all of that, plus a packed gym, plus old ladies curling 3 pounds at breakneck speed on every single bench and the dude with the 30 pound body bar in the squat rack, I snapped. No more. Fuck that. The atmosphere didn't inspire me. I leave work pissed off as it is, didn't need the added hassle. Time to start lifting on base again. Fine. 8pm workouts it is.
I went back Tuesday and instantly knew I made the right decision. The dirty, rusty, smelly, testosterone filled mess is far more inspiring. The place was packed but I was hitting back and knew the two t-bar set ups would be collecting dust in the back corner. I headed that way after a few sets of high rows to warm up. Empty as I suspected. Knocked that out, giggled at some child doing quarter squats and it was time to go to the mosh pit - that is what every one calls the cable area right? You know where the jackass tries to do kipping pull ups while there is someone doing cable cross overs and the 4 dudes cheer on the 1 dude swinging his whole body to curl? It's not a pretty scene over there but I had pull downs and rows to do. There are 2 cable row stations - one is occupied by 2 guys taking turns rowing, the other, 2 guys kneeling with 5 pound dumbbells. Alright, I gotta watch this so I settle in to do pulldowns. I get two sets done and realize they are doing wrist exercises. Palm up wrist curls, palm down wrist curls, change arms. REALLY? You need a bench for that. Wide grip pull downs done, close grip pull downs done. Now I really need to row. They gotta move. As hand gestures didn't seem to appropriately express that they needed to take that shit elsewhere I was forced to remove one of the Beats and suggest they prepare to jerk off on another bench. From the apparent level of muscle and malnourishment, I probably should have suggested cheeseburgers and dead lifts too.
Tonight a miracle happened. Yes, a true miracle. I was approached during my workout with a suggestion on how to do something better and did not flip the fuck out on the guy. Since developing the external rotation issue with my left shoulder getting under a bar to squat has been impossible. So I stopped trying for awhile to let it settle down. I couldn't even high bar squat with much success but it is time to ease back into it. So after destroying myself on the leg press to avoid any temptation of squatting a respectable weight, I set out to do my 3 sets of 10 empty bar squats. Set 1 required a full rack and reset after almost falling on my face two reps in but then finished successfully. That is when the guy in the next rack walked over and suggested lowering the bar for a better squat. I smiled, explained the situation and then he commented in that case I was doing awesome and went back to his rack. What saved his ass? While leg pressing I had taken notice of his insanely perfect front squat form with a few hundred pounds on the bar. Perfect form. Ass to ankles. This guy has a clue and needs to be remembered for future spotter potential.
The only major challenge of the evening was figuring out how to leave without busting out laughing while waddling like a duck as the exit was occupied by a cartoon character of a Marine. CC first caught my attention when I was on the hamstring curl machine. He's on the rehab style cable machine doing cable crossovers and looks HUGE. Little head, huge chest and arms. Like almost needs to go thru the door sideways huge. Now, all I am seeing is the waist up. Very important. Because when I get to the leg extension machine I need to adjust the ankle pad. As I am leaning forward I see the SMALLEST set of chicken calves I have ever seen. I look up. They are attached to the huge chest and arms. WTF?? This guy has never and I mean NEVER done a single leg exercise in his life. Its obvious he has tiny little quads. The body did not go. Nope. Not at all. Remember those create your own person coloring things we had as kids? Take this head, that top half, that lower half. Yea. Just like that gone wrong. I really don't know what to even say about that. Other than he was clearly not the dick that left 16 plates on the leg press before I got to it. (oh yea, those were thrown in a heap on each side, I don't rack some lazy asses weight)
I also learned if I ever want to use a stair mill, I gotta get on that shit before Zumba lets out and the frenzied run to get one happens - you all know sideways stepping on that builds a better ass than squatting right?
No comments:
Post a Comment