1 - I do not like my job. I quite probably do not like my entire line of work but that is a whole different problem. All I know is I now have a mind numbing existence that depending on the day makes me hostile and/or depressed. Bad shit. Me at work:
2 - I live in a 3,000 square foot shit hole. This has several problems - one it is too fucking big, like 2,000 square feet too fucking big. The next problem is that it is a shit hole. I have gone from having the best yard in the community to the worst. The carpets look like the previous tenant was a serial killer. The mechanical systems are just functional enough to pass code. My high maintenance anal retentive clean freak self CANNOT handle this - 15 more months here have the potential to cause a complete mental break.
3 - The ocean is on the wrong fucking side. Need I say more?
None of these problems are exactly easy to fix. Now if I was a risk taker (which I'm not) I would load the dogs back up, drive back across the country and beg my grandparents to let me clean for food while I look for a job hoping there isn't too much of this happening
My best case right now is really to get to this on all the above issues
All of that said, it is causing mass havoc on the things that matter to me - like my training and physique. While my training is ALMOST back on track, I need to be honest with myself and realize that my diet has been pretty fucked lately. Not obvious like binging on a daily basis but sneaky like my hand going in the pretzel tub / M&M jar every time I walk by them at work. And since they are at the only exit to the bathroom and I drink a pot of coffee plus almost a gallon of water at work................
The only thing left to do is
Easier said then done of course. Most days I leave work like this
When I need to leave work like this
And no, this blog will not contain a solution - just a long commentary on the problems as it is very easy to say control what you can like your diet and your training but the reality is when life's spinning out of control sometimes even that is too much to ask.
Time to re-priortize and figure this out.
