Now I see this guy almost every day and have for the last nine months. The other day I noticed he looked more muscular. We talk about training a good bit, I know strength and conditioning have been two goals of his. It seems he has been successful - think about it, in an office setting, when someone starts off in good shape, a very noticeable difference says something - that he has been putting in the work and it has paid off.
This got me to thinking - why can't I say that? Now I can give the typical list of excuses that people have but that has never been my thing. If I am not eating right and killing my workouts the reason is always the same - it doesn't matter enough to me. And it hasn't for quite awhile now. I'm also not sure how I would define "the best shape of my life" at this point.
I've been leaner, stronger, had better cardiovascular conditioning. Right now I think I can say I have more muscle than ever before and that I love. I also know the thought of losing any muscle or getting skinny by dieting is a huge mental block for me that sends me diving into a pizza. Standard diet rebellion? Hell yes. But it happens. I refuse to be skinny. Refuse. Getting back to the level of strength I once had? I'd like to say I will do it one day but the reality is I probably won't. My left forearm has a pretty strong opinion about how much I bench and deadlift, sadly it keeps winning. Of course people piss me off by telling me I am strong but no, I'm not. Compared to others, sure, fine, I am. Compared to my standards? Nope. Not at all. With the right toys I would be more motivated to work on my conditioning because the thought of running and burpees to do it makes me go for another beer. But I don't have access to fun things like tires and prowlers. And if I am going to make my lungs burn, it needs to be fun. I'm a huge supporter of not using your spare time to do things you hate.
What it comes down to is that I don't have a goal, a plan, no clue what it is a I trying to achieve right now. I have good workouts or no workouts. I have solid nutrition or shit nutrition. I am not consistent. One day I want more muscle. The next to get leaner. I mourn my inability to do certain things. I accept that I am the only thing stopping me from stating "I am in the best shape of my life." I accept this. I don't have much planned for this weekend so I am going to take some time to ponder what I want to achieve and how to get there. I need a plan.
